PAST WRiTTENS

ONE LOOK, THAT'S ALL IT TOOK

You had me at
HELLO
&& ii never thought ii'd ever feel like this agaiin
&& never thought ii would ever see you agaiin
BUT
one out of a milliion chances
you're iin my liife
thiis summer
one day out of each week

...by mere luck.
My heart skiipped a beat when ii saw you
across the hallway from where ii worked
we had to do what we had to do
we had the same job
but a different location

&& when you saw me agaiin
ii remember how you stared at me in awe
how each time we had to pass each other
&& ii was busy making a burdened one smiile
you'd give me a glance
&& ii'd do the same when you weren't looking
our last conversation
small talk
ii gazed into your eyes
you looked into mine
ii had to get-up from where ii was sitting
beacause they were calling me to go help

&& you did the same
to do what you had to do
BUT
ii wiill always recall
those times we didn't talk
the last time you&ii were caught
stariing into each others eyes
to the poiint where we both simultaneously
turned our heads just to hold our gaze
as ii was walkiing away
as you stared off at me from the distance
&& how ii wanted to stop to turn around
but couldn't
&& the last time before you had to leave
how ii sat 5 tables behind you
&& you still managed to turn around
just to give a quick glance at me
&& the whole thing is
you don't have a clue
you have no idea
that ii have iit thiis bad
for you.

ONE LOOK, THAT'S ALL IT TOOK pt. 2

Your name jumped out of the pages
As ii siigned iin for work
I was so happy to know ii would see you agaiin
So happy that
time flew by fast
&& ii walked around with the biggest grin on my face
to the poiint where ii lost my balance
&& held our gaze once again

Take me now
Take me into your arms
sweet sweet Bolivian
&& quit thiis game which we play
Gaze, gaze Look away
Silent moments
..damn
should ii risk vulnerability?
&& take the dive once agaiin
ii promise ii will
on our next encounter with each other
...just because
when ii said good-bye
when ii walked away from you
turned around to giive you a smile
you stared into my eyes
that said
I want you
&& when you stepped into your ride
You looked out the window
for one last glance
As ii smiiled at another burdened one
As ii spoke with another
&& when ii stared back at you
ii made a promise that
ii will tell you
even when ONE so close
is against the thought of us

The Last Look
&& ii arrived early today
Before you would appear
Anticipation took over my body as I knew what I was about to reveal
Vulnerability
It shaked me off my feet

ii Saw your face
&& we exchanged smiles
We were busy
Yet we talked in between
You sat next to me as you spilled your hobbies
&& ii'D do the same
Then work swept us away from each other
Till Lunch
I saw you walk in while I sat w/ my friends
You tapped my back with your fingers
It was unexpected
It made the hair on my neck stand

As you took the seat next to mine
You looked at me and smiled
&& I asked
"Weren't you going to sit somewhere else?"
Response
"No, are you kidding?"
As we talked
I saw a friend in you
&& wondered at all
Did I really have this thing for you?
After Lunch
Blazing Hot outside
Our last talk
My revelation
But to me it was a joke already
I spoke my words
"I was laughing earlier
because I used to have a crush on you
when I first saw you"
To your ears it rang
but a serene smile
written all over your face
Both of us talked on our cells before
you took a breathe to say
"I have a girlfriend and
I don't want to lie to you"

I was alright with it because
I was already over this childish crush and realized
a new friendship
&& realized that this risk taken
I've gained back
what my old-self grasped earlier
COURAGE to take a risk
That fiesty side that abandoned me
When my heart was shredded into peices
I've gained so much more
&& I'm here sitting in euphoria

MEMORYpt.I Current mood: calm I look around and I see you, laying sound-asleep on my bed...I decide to lay next to you, and embrace you as I hear you breathing in rythm...I close my eyes and can't believe this and what has happened... you me...together...= perfection. your love so imaculate and so hard to reach.. and I couldn't find the words to even tell you I LOVE YOU... FLASH forward...and I'm laying asleep on your bed...you embrace me and I can hear your voice...you embraced me and...you tried making me laugh so I can wake-up...and I smiled with my eyes closed... OPENED EYES looked up and saw you staring back at me smiling and your eyes saying KISS ME...and I kissed you as you held me so close, making me feel so safe in your arms... && I held on saying I WANT YOU..In your room...only the sunlight as our light..the darkness shaded with the curtains next to your bed..the fan that's on because it's SUMMER..and SWEAT dripping from the humidity... HAND in my hand HAND in yours Can't explain this feeling I have inside...for YOU and only you...my feelings to what's-his face have vanished..they're gone...and I ONLY WANT YOU..I just couldn't say it...and I really wanted to say YOU'RE my only one... and yet we're still here gazing into each other with DESIRE and no WORDS escaped our lips... Oh the feeling, the timing...so RIGHT..no one to bother us.. Baby..I LOVE YOU..let's stay in this time FOREVER. where I'm in your room or vice-versa just embracing and gazing at each other...where our worries are far from our thoughts and it's just YOU & ME I BLINK and look at the time....I have to go...you try to stop me from getting where I have to go...I STRUGGLE just to move out of your room..just for my feet to touch the floor... UNLOCKED door...I run out... you come after me, putting your shirt on..and you grab my arm OUTSIDE of your house just to give me one last KISS Good-bye.... MEMORY pt. 1A Current mood: calm Ten, Eighteen, O' fiVe ....AfterskOoL A despaired day yet I can see you You see me As I'm rehearsing with my grL Vixenn...tunes of a song in dedication... I see you pass me, && ii caLL out yOur name You hear me and take steps toward me...as my heart beats in sync with every step...we hold our gaze Have I stopped breathing?? && you never turn away but it's only you && me; the whole world has dissappeared around Us.. "Hi" I whisper..."Hey"you reply I open my arms && at the same with no words you open your arms as well Perfectly we fit into each other's arms with an embrace I put my arms around your body && notice that the warmth I once felt before is still there... I expect it to be a 5 second hug as ii was ready to let go and push my feelings deep within me so it wouldn't be shown...for Fear of being that fool......... To my surprise...you're still holding on to me? What is this? Is this a dream? I try to look at my friend to see if she sees the same thing...but sadly I couldn't even turn my head... My body went numb Your touch poisened me into everlasting bliss As you held me in this bittersweet embrace for another minute or so And I couldv'e died happy as I could see 1 simple thing has taken my breathe away You let go of my body slowly but surely...your cheeks a slight pink blush.. And I've held my breathe till you turned the corner to go back into school To my unexpected added despair You turn around to look at me, every inch of me from a distance Leaving this as the last hug we ever shared... && ii turn to my friend....and say... "...was ii dreaming?"

Thursday, June 15, 2006 DEAR BOY Current mood: calm I know you're mad, but it's over. You got to stop blaming others and deal with the fact that it was both our faults. I can't stand to see the site of your face, I can't stand to be around you because you've changed. Not for the better, but for the worst. I really don't like the person you are...you weren't the person I fell in love with...I miss who I thought you were...and that's who's forever kept in my heart. Sounds corny, but it's true. Same with everyone else. They may be all up in your face putting a smile on and all, but when they talk to me, they warn me never to go back, pushing me away from you, and maybe I guess they're just looking out for me. Maybe in a way I've built a wall of insecurity around you or from the site of you, because I seem to be afraid just to be around you. I can't even look at you with out feeling so bad, with out wanting to talk to you, but I never can...I stutter and it's so stupid because I used to talk to you like you were my best friend. And whenever I tried, you shut-me down, when all I really wanted to do was talk, not get back with you. I wanted there to be an open-line where we can be all good with it, I don't want to be fighting with you, I don't want to hate you..because I honestly don't. What happened?What happened with the times?Don't you remember...or do you still hate me for what happened? I know you may be reading this...but who's to say that this letter is for who you think it is...maybe I'm writing all of this because you'll never know, because there's this part of me that is still killing inside and I just want to let it all out.The person you are now, would be cursing at me by now, saying how foolish I am to even care..but what can I say? who knows..maybe not...maybe you'll be thankful after reading this. Sometimes I wonder why it happened though?It never was supposed to..it was just an obstacle we had to face together, but you never wanted to try, but I did. I actually changed for the better though. I wish you knew, I wish you can just tell me what you're feeling. Sometimes they all say that you're lonely...that the way you are is because of US or because of the blame. It was nobody's fault, but OURS...yet..why didn't you want to try?try to get throught this obstacle together?Was it your damn pride?...when I look into your eyes...you seem destroyed...different....and they all tell me...."He really needs you now"...and I say..."it's kind of hard when there's denial in the way.".... SINCERELY YOURS TRULY

WRiiTTeN
Current mood: refreshed

WE both know iit hasn't diied...WE both know that we don't want to show iit when we really want tOo..fOr fear wiill gett tOo uSs...OuR &hearts scream D truth && controL involuntary actiiOnSs, wheN oUr &miinDs scream a Liie we want toO beLiieVe...&&sOmEhOw WE catch a glimpse Of Our actiiOns && QuestiiOn OurSeLveSs...iif the deciisiiOns we've maDe B-4 was really wOrth the PaiiN that iiSs briinGiinG uSs down right at thiiSs mOmenT...teLL me thiiSs...can yOo honestLy loOk mEe iin the eyeSs && teLL mEe that you'rE haPpY??...Do yoO have thE cOuraGe to teLL D truth??...'cOs HonestLy...ii'm weaK iin the kneeSs* afraiiD Of beiing the fOoL ii waS..