THE LOVER♥Mi NoviO!!!


ESTABLISHED12.25.2005


We have each other and sometimes it seems that it is all that we need. I’m not with him because of who he is, or how he makes me feel.That’s just the frosting of the cake.









i.l.y. a.a.f. ea infinity 143!♥

MODEL

I met Jordan Richardson in person this past SUNDAY!
She was totally sweet, and graced her 5'9" presence with a smile. Right away I knew it was her when I asked if she was one of the 3 models that did the Levi's ad. In a way she inspires me to do better in my pathway to a model career. Hopefully we'll meet again. 17 years old and she's accomplished so much!

SHOT GUN

Triggers like a gun

1 picture I’m shot

Fuck 2^nd chances the 3^rd will give me a try

So as I sit up in bed and let down inkling sigh

Those feelings they keep holding my neck…choking my breathe

Where do I go?

When life sucks and I’m left hanging with my eyes wide open

He couldn’t be that one to save me.

Who is HE?

Supposed to be the love of my life

As Bedingfield would say

“Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told?”

Obviously

HE DIDN’T know how to love me without being told

12252007

The clock
On the dot
Christmas Day

Unforgettable
the regrettable
"I'm done," she says
"I'm sorry," he replies
&& hearing her cry
Makes me hate the man I see before my eyes

Stronger, I am

On April 12, 2006

Have you ever thought that the person you should be with, is the person that was there from the very beginning?..Have you ever thought that the ones before, in the past were really the ones who knew and loved you for who you were, and not for who you changed into today?..Sometimes I think these, and answered these questions to myself...the answer is YES(in my world)..You see, we never think unless we stop and look at ourselves..maybe I'm crazy for asking these questions, but yet again, I'm only human, trying to learn..Sometimes it just takes strength to take a risk..yet with that strength, our fear gets in the way...maybe its how we worry what others might think of you, what your friends might say..or the thought of misjudgement...but you know what..who cares!?..right?...Ok..what am I saying?...what I'm trying to say..is that you never know unless you TRY..and so far...my RISKS...well...they've only came out as the BEST...for example...me singing my 1st solo for the COFFEE HOUSE...I mean, I have sung to other audiences solo, but never in front of fellow classmates, that I see in the halls daily..I gotta say..I was hella nervous...but...every performance I have is always nerve-racking..so it was all the same risk...but in the end, as a day passed, they really seemed to like the way I sung and even came up to me to tell me so..and it only told me, that I can do it!I can be the best I can..maybe I sound cheesy, but it was a good feeling, being reassured...having to have thought about me myself..I've pretty much broken some of the rules(or go against all the rules, as Emile would say..lol)..I say, that I just twisted the rules a bit..heh...but here's the thing....you never know unless you TRY...I know..some things I've tried, have somewhat given me despair..but it only made me LEARN what not to do lateron...or held me back...who knows?..maybe..just maybe something will happen for all of yous reading this to make it click....ONLY TIME WILL TELL....

He Can Twist me a Pretzel

Press play
In the way
We can sway
To the beat
Body so close
Laughs and jokes
Open my eyes
I was blind
Make me smile
Do it wild
You hold my hand
We lock eyes
Tell me boy
You know
We can synchronize
Push me up
Give me flight
You give me
My peace of mind
Feelings that burst
Violins on the ground
Whisper babe
To the sound
To the beat
Of our hearts
Nobody
Can tell apart
Feels so good
Lying here
In your arms
Eyes lock eyes
Boy you know
You make me smile
It's the fire
On our feet
Makes us dance
To the beat
Foggy window
Split sunshine
Our charms
Make it seem
You are mine
Hypnotized
To my hips
Hynotized
To kiss my lips
Turn away
Too afraid
Can't you see?
We both know
you and me
Can't be
Speak my mind
Make it fresh
Feel your arms
Embrace my flesh
Body so close
Eye to eye
Such a beautiful
Perfect Lie

MY 2007 END of the Year BLOG

I can't believe so much happened this year!

There were moments that were great, others that were gloomy and my year was definitely full of DRAMA! (…I hate drama!) I've made many realizations and learned a lot of lessons too. Throughout this year I have definitely grown a lot as a person inside and out. I'm starting to realize the person I can truly be. To make this blog easier to read, I'll be listing instead, because I tend to write a lot because I love writing!

MOMENTS I REMEMBER:
The Senior Trip: It kind of sucked but we all made the best of it. My room-mates were Camille and Diana. The food was either hamburgers or hamburgers and they always served soft vanilla ice-cream and fries late at night which really didn't do a body good. I ended up gaining 5lbs. in 3 days. Remember the good and awkward times especially the blue paintball. Whatever happens at Pinegrove stays at Pinegrove.

The Macbeth Play: I worked alongside my boyfriend and friends, except he was the main character while I played three parts (a soldier, messenger, and attendant). The lines were confusing and I give props to everybody who had to memorize a whole play in Shakespearean.

Music in the Parks: Being in a select choir called the Neu Revue we were offered the chance to compete with other High Schools and ended up winning two awards! We were rated the BEST OVERALL CHOIR and 1^ST PLACE! The practices were brutal yet we had this twist of fun. I miss being in this group.

The Prom: June 1^st it was on. I went with my best friend Jordan because my boyfriend's mom prevented us from going together. It was okay but it didn't give us the hype we all built up on. The after party was okay but by then I was too tired to dance. There was a bunch of drama at the table so most of the time I walked around and danced with my friends. The only good thing that I liked about prom was my dress.

Graduation class '07: I couldn't believe it, but I was graduating! All my hard-work paid off but I do miss seeing everybody in our class because it was a habit to wake-up and expect to see each other in the same place. We all took off and went our separate ways to become a "somebody".

MODEL TRAINING: I'm so proud of myself for going through a ½ year of model training at Barbizon. I had the BEST teacher! We called him Mr. Ben. He himself is a model and it's great to get insight on what we will be dealing with in the model industry. Mr. Ben injected each one of us with confidence, and I also made some friends with those who have the same aspiration of becoming a model.

1^St Semester in College: College made me realize that months fly by so quickly. My transition wasn't as tough, but rather easy, yet I do sometimes miss the quirks of high school, money wise. I mean, paying at least $2000 per course I take or knowing the fact that if I get below a certain GPA to lose my scholarships, doesn't exactly make life a lot easier. Not only do I miss the whole money aspect of high school, but also the whole ease of learning. College is whole different ball game! I have this one professor who is so bad in teaching that I and most of the class failed our Midterm and Final. When teacher evaluations came, everybody gave him the lowest ratings you can possibly think of, and the comments weren't looking too good either. His class was the class that I have the lowest grade in and pulled my GPA down the most. I don't hate him, but I hate his teaching style. So far I have a 3.6 GPA!

Women, Peace and Justice Project: If I didn't take the course "Historical Legacies, Current Predicaments and Dreams of a Better Tomorrow" I would have never thought about the problems society have even deeper than I do now, and dare to ask questions that others fear to tackle. I wouldn't have participated in the overall school's initiative or have been a part of Global Service Day which took place on October 13^th. So far, one of my favorite books is The Impossible Will Take a Little While: a citizen's guide in a time of fear by Paul Loeb.

Falling in LOVE: Being with my boyfriend for 2 years wasn't an easy walk in the park. Trust me, it wasn't that easy to get to this point, but we've struggled with a lot of things together and got through it. My transition phase from best friend to boyfriend was full of fights, tears and confusion. Him becoming a boyfriend, on the other hand needed time to adjust. I can tell you now that I didn't see this coming 5 years ago when we became friends, because I used to say NEVER! I can't believe it. I LOVE YOU EMILE!

My 1^st JOB: It took a while, but by December I was hired to work as a Physical Therapy Aide, which was the position I was after for a long time. I wanted to get started on the right foot towards my career goal of becoming a Doctor in Physical Therapy one day.

LEARNING EXPERIENCES:

I finally have my Driver's License!

Always, ALWAYS drive to school between 8a.m. and 9a.m. to get the last few GOOD parking spots; otherwise you end up in the tiny narrow, crappy parking space out of the way from class.

Procrastination is not something good to have especially when you're a college student

Biology major=STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!

Walking the runway isn't as easy as it looks. Models aren't born they are made.

Steak is also Beef (A dumb blonde moment)

FORGIVENESS is imperative for a happy life

TRUE friends will always be there, no matter how busy or hectic our lives may become at the moment.

Silence is humanity's biggest crime.

Getting hired for a job takes a lot of PATIENCE

I'm awake, informed and living in this brutal reality

Make the best out of each moment

I found out my blood type!

SURPRISES (both good and bad):

I love Human Anatomy and never thought I could learn over 100 different terminologies dealing with the bones, muscles and nervous system in a few weeks.

I have an incredible ability to turn in an assignment the next day even though I let procrastination get in the way.

I got straight A's in every class except one B which was in Biology

My step-dad is an alcoholic but not the type to go mad and hit us, but the type that scares us in other ways that I'm too embarrassed to explain. He is trying to change and I give him props for that.

I was called back from my prom dress designer to walk in a fashion show at Gracie Mansion in the city next June to showcase the prom dress I wore. It will be sponsored by ESPN.

My dance partner, Chevy, bailed out on me the day before performing in my last ever Coffee House performance, making all our practice a waste of time. I sang a solo though, but for-got some words because I was a bit upset about the whole dance being cancelled.

I found my BLOOD dad that disappeared years ago when I was just a toddler. It's not that my mom kept him away or that he didn't care, he was just hurt and decided to disappear for awhile. I found out that life has gotten to him though and he is currently living across the states in Cali. He cried when he first heard me and my brother's voices.

GOALS 2008:

-Get back to my running/working-out phase

-Be a better PT Aide at work

-Score a modeling agency at graduation by killing it on the runway

-Get my grades higher my 2nd semester of College

-Eat healthier( no more than 2 Nutella spread crackers a day!)

-Reach my lose 5lbs. goal

-Be more outspoken about what I believe in

-Make a difference everyday

-Save $ for a lap top

-Stay in touch with my close friends and show how much I really care about them

-Show my boyfriend how much I appreciate the simple things he does for me

-Keep a little bit more pride instead of ALWAYS bending backwards for others

See you all NEXT YEAR!!!

.CHiCA.

My 1St Quote

Just one simple thing...one simple gesture......can HURT in a million different ways....

On April 25,2005

"I come into people's lives for a reason...a reason to touch their lives and leave a mark for them to remember..."

Val.....I didn't even know about the bond that we actually shared till he told me he was moving to Florida this Friday...We both became friends in some strange sort of way ...Both of us moved here the same time...I was the 1st girl he had a crush on ever since, but we grew up together as just friends, and his younger bro' also had a liking to me...even when he went to North High, we always stayed in touch thro' the summers...even tho' he was this strange weird guy an' sometimes became sorta annoying, he was still my friend...he always had my back, and always stood by my side even when I didn't realize it ...he always told me everything, and how he was doing, and most of all trusted me to keep things that he never would be open about ...maybe at times he'd be a little too open w/ me an' tell me too much details about the girls he would be dating an' stuff ...he was actually the guy friend I could turn to and he'd give me the answer staight-up and never go around the bushes ...but I never realized that I'd touch him in a way that actually made him realize something until he told me....

1st he came off and said, "Elise, I respect you...You're actually the only girl I've really respected." ...I did notice something different about this Val...he actually wasn't the same annoying Val I thought he was in the beginning...he was this much mature Val, which sorta freaked me out ...lol..I've known him since he had that high-pitched sqeaky voice ...rofl...but he did change...he told me,"Elise...I've been with a lot of girls and it was fun and all, but I've realized that it's not just about the whole thing about sex and stuff...it's also that other part in the relationship...it's that other part where I just want to settle down...where you're the type of girl who has it all...you've made me realize that...if I wasn't moving and if you weren't with Marvin, I'd probably be with a girl like you....Marvin is lucky that he has a beautiful girl like you, who respects herself, where he doesn't need to worry about a thing...Simon might not have seen it at first, but he lost it all and gave-up on a great girl like you.......I'm really going to miss you Elise!..."

I was so flattered and I was just getting so sad ....I was actually going to miss Val too ...So at that...the last time I saw him, we both exchanged #'s and gave each other a big hug....

Feelings

Sometimes love makes us do crazy shit...well..actually most of the time..heh..I know this from experience...It's like, you can't imagine living w/out that certain special some1...that some1 who can complete your other 1/2, that some1 whom you love just for who they are..and any lil' thing about them, is just a peice of imperfection that is perfection in your eyes onLy...it's like you just want to be held in their arms and you know you'll be there to protect them too from any harm.because you'd fight for them w/ a passion..and do anything to please them...just seeing them smile, makes you smile ...just seeing them gaze into your eyes, even if just for a split-second makes you melt inside ..and when you see them cry, its as if your whole world crumbles too , and you'd want to wipe ev'ry tear that comes out of their eyes...it's like, you'd want to give them the stars if you could, spend the whole night holding unto them, and wake-up in the morning next to them...or even stay awake just to watch them sleep...any lil' thing they do, makes you laugh , and you don't even need words to express your feelings...you can just be walking side-by-side silent, but the intensity is great, and you know that the love is there...you can act like a fool in front of them, and they'd love you the same...because you equally love each other..no more, no less..but each day that passes your love them more than you loved them from yesterday..and nothing can touch you two, nothing can get to you, because of the strong bond of trust, love and respect that you hold w/in your hearts for each other is there....and w/ this...all you have to say....no 3 words...no 8 letters...no phrase of "I Love you!"...because you just know...when you truly love some1....and w/ that....

....my secret

THE PAST

Sometimes I wonder "why?" Why the change..why not for the better?I can't describe these feelings but it's as if I have this deep dislike of who you came to be. Did I hurt you that bad?Was it really that bad?Or did your true colors finally come out?Was I that blind to have loved you like that? So many questions and it's all the same story.I admit it. I loved you, I loved you so much I risked myself being a fool for you. And looking back at it, I kind of get a laugh at it, because of how I was, so much younger, and unable to grasp the information I know now. I loved you, because you were my first love. I loved you because you amazed me with the little things no other girl saw at the time. I saw you, for you, and admired you, regardless of appearance. You were smart and funny to me. When I was next to you, I couldn't describe what I was feeling, I just knew that I wanted to be with you. What happened?What happened to us?Were you weak like me or as everyone says...wasn't it your pride?I don't think you ever truly loved me...Most of the time I felt that you rarely cared..so I stopped the kisses..I stopped the calling...yet all that, kind of, was killing me inside. I got paranoid, and built madd insecurities as you noticed. I was looking at myself and questioning"Why do I got it all twisted?Doesn't he love me all the same?"
And I wasn't sure 'cos you never told me in words..but when I remember...I was just too blind to see at the moment that you showed me you loved me through action, as I did so too. The walks home, the visits at each others lockers, the loyalty we had for one another to never cheat,the kisses you wanted and how when I backed away, you wanted only more...and the telephone calls..how at the end of every convo it was "I love you"..I was blind, but then, now I see that you really did care. But now...where did you go?It was our problem not others to see that we had to tackle an obstacle. TRUST boy. and it goes for me especially..and I really did see that once reality slapped me in the face...okay..and you remember...I TRIED. tried for another chance, but you were stubborn.
You were on your path to the superficial. Influenced by what others said, just like I was at the beginning but got through that part of the game. the thing is...you stuck there. and you're now so much different than who I fell in love with. You went after the superficial, and now you're trying to replace this thing that's sorta empty and missing within you. Wow..I'm talking like a friggin psychologist now..anways..it's not that I'm mocking you or pointing it out. I just notice you, even when you think I ain't...but everytime you do something that is you now(if that makes any sense) you push me farther away..and hurt me more in the process. I loved you, and it's kind of hard to let go when you once loved someone. I know I'm not the only one to admit all of that, but I am the first to have said and wrote that between the two of us. The you NOW is convinced that you're over me..so is the same with me because of the you now(if you can follow?)All that's happpened this past year convinced the me now(to run away from that unexplainable love I had for you)?...ok?I just confused myself?Anyways...I may have changed for the better, yet I'm only human still learning from my mistakes.I don't regret and I'm proud of who I am. So what?I'm a cornball who let's it loose and says what's on my mind?a hopeless romanitc only trying to understand the reason for everything that has happened so far.Maybe even my own redeemer because I truly hate hurting you even though you hurt me with just the simple things. The thing is...through this whole process, I learned how to not show it upfront like I used to. If I wasn't writing all this, no one would have ever thought that I was actually feeling all of this inside...all this bottled up inside for you. So maybe this is a dedication written for you to read.So maybe I'm crazy to actually tell the truth. But isn't there the expression where "the truth will set you free"?